writing
scripts
WORMHOLERS (30 min, sci-fi/comedy)
Two tech whiz sisters navigate the ups, downs, and potentially universe-altering consequences of owning and operating Silicon Valley's first-ever time travel startup. Los Espookys meets New Girl.
Quarterfinalist, ScreenCraft TV Pilot Script Competition 2023; Quarterfinalist, Emerging Screenwriters Screenplay Competition 2021
MILL SLUTS (30 min, period/comedy)
Overworked and undersexed textile mill gal pals in the booming "big city" of mid-1800’s Lowell, Massachusetts attempt to balance their love lives with 14-hour workdays while confronting their looming spinsterhood and dipping their toes into the era’s burgeoning labor movement. Downton Abbey meets Sex And The City.
Quarterfinalist, Los Angeles International Screenplay Awards Fall 2021
CECILIA (30 min, supernatural/comedy)
A lonely fifth grader struggling to navigate coming of age in the early 2000's at her boring Catholic school receives help in the form of Cecilia Of Aquileia, a brutally disemboweled 12th century martyr who no one else can see. Pen15 meets Moone Boy.
Semifinalist, Los Angeles International Screenplay Awards Summer 2022
GRIP (30 min, dark comedy)
Nearly two decades after a cataclysmic worldwide pandemic leaves the United States an uncivilized wasteland, a low-level grunt toiling behind the scenes in a post-apocalyptic traveling theatre troupe refuses to give up on her dreams of stardom. Party Down meets Station Eleven meets Mr. Burns, A Post-Electric Play.
VISIT SLUDGEBERG! (30 min, animated comedy)
The underfunded one-man tourism department of the already down-and-out Rust Belt town of Sludgeberg, WI must work overtime to counter the town’s bad PR after it suddenly becomes the subject of a popular true crime podcast. Bojack Horseman meets Only Murders In The Building.
Winner, Los Angeles International Screenplay Awards Fall 2022; Semifinalist, Nashville Film Festival Screenwriting Competition 2022
SHE’S VERY TYPE A (feature, rom-com)
When an overachieving high school valedictorian wakes up from an 11-year coma following a graduation night freak accident, she vows to make up for lost time by using the last remaining weeks of her twenties to earn a spot on Forbes’s 30 Under 30 list. Barb And Star Go To Vista Del Mar meets Booksmart meets Rip Van Winkle.
Onion Writing
Coffee Table Coasters Used Exclusively To Cover Up Existing Water RingsDifficult-To-Follow Recipe Calls For Dish To Be Enjoyed With Friends Toddler Standing Up In Shopping Cart Surveys Grocery Store Like Grizzled Sea Captain On Whaling ExpeditionKyle Rittenhouse Sentenced To 45 Years Of CPAC AppearancesLos Angeles Mayor Urges Residents To Wear Face Masks, Lose 15 Pounds, Maybe Go BrunetteMattel Preempts Backlash Over Gender Neutral Doll With Release Of New ‘Covered In Genitals’ Barbie‘Someone’s In Here!’ Says Man In Restroom Having First Real Assertion Of Own Existence In MonthsCafe Patron Makes Humiliating Pass Through Lineup Of Empty Milk CarafesArea 8-Year-Old Formally Rescinds Hunger Complaint Following Mother’s Insulting Banana OfferWoman Working From Home Not Sure She’ll Ever Be Able To Go Back To Regularly Wearing Bra, Dress, Big White Gloves, Minnie Mouse HeadChild Assumed He’d Probably Get Abducted By Guy Like ThisIvanka Trump Distraught After Learning Detained Migrant Children Completely Without Sewing Machines ‘You Better Give Our Dad A Good Trade Deal Or You’ll Be Sorry!’ Shout Angry Trump Boys On Phone With Employee Of Local Chinese RestaurantSaudis Insist Missing Journalist Was Already Dismembered Before He Left ConsulateMeghan McCain Forced To Live Out Socialist Nightmare Of Empathy For Sick PersonStephen Miller Enraged After Discovering Cantaloupe He’s Fucking From Mexico Anxious Gina Haspel Gives Self Little Pep Interrogation In Bathroom Mirror
Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once Netflix Defends ‘Queer Eye’ Episode Where The Fab Five Forced To Euthanize Completely Hopeless Slob New Historical Drama Just 90 Minutes Of Woman Holding Up Petticoats While Running Through Open FieldChoking Man Can Already Tell Good Samaritan Has No Fucking Clue What They’re DoingArea Man Afraid Some Woman Might Come Out Of The Woodwork To Hold Him Accountable For SomethingNew Smithsonian Exhibit Honors Thousands Of Pets Who Joined Workforce After Owners Left To Fight In World War IINetflix Executive Unsure How To Tell Barack Obama His Series Idea Just ‘Fawlty Towers’Report: There Nothing Else In Bottom Of Gift BagJohn Oliver Annoyed After Discovering He The Only Non-CGI Character In ‘Lion King’ RemakeNew Alternate-History Drama Examines What Would Have Happened If Nazis Won 1991 NBA Finals ‘Big Little Lies’ Producers Forced To Blur Reese Witherspoon's Face Out After Realizing She Never Signed ReleaseFraternity Brothers Make Note Not To Kill Pledge Whose Family Has Lake HouseMother Proud She Raised Type Of Person No One Would Ever Believe Would Rape SomeoneEcstatic Pope Francis Finally Lands Role As Mary In St. Peter’s Christmas Pageant Lush Unveils New Line Of Anti-Aging Youthful Maiden BloodBombsWeary, Cynical Woman Knows Better Than To Bring Tomato Plant Into World Like This
ONION FILM STANDARD: THE ONION LOOKS BACK AT CLASSIC HORROR MOVIES
“ARE WE BLAIR YET?” - SPONSORED CONTENT SERIES FOR HOTELS.COM
How To Find The Best Cheap Eats In The Dumpsters Behind Los Angeles's Best Restaurants
How To Experience Chicago Like A Local By Settling Down, Starting A Family, And Living There